The Pirate's New Clothes
by OneDayGreatness
Summary: Killian Jones is in need of some new threads... My thoughts on how Hook should get his new wardrobe, courtesy of the man who made the Emperor's New Clothes. First in a series of one-shots about OUaT characters.


The Pirate's New Clothes

"_With my track record, I'd like to take things a little more slowly." _

Killian sighed as he recalled Emma's words. He laid in his bed at Granny's, staring at the ceiling above, watching dawn's light creep into the room from the window. He terribly missed the feel of water beneath his boat, rocking him gently in his sleep. He also missed the feel of Emma's lips on his but there was little he could do to relieve either of those desires. The _Jolly Roger_ was gone forever, unless he found a way back to their realm and amassed enough treasure to buy it back. Emma was a different sort of problem. Despite her ardent kisses from the night before, Emma was determined to take her time in this relationship and was not at all eager to to jump into his open arms. But Killian supposed after all the time it took to win her good favor in the first place he should have expected her to enter into a romantic relationship with caution.

This left him with several troubling hours to fill, however, since she insisted upon taking care of her usual duties without his company. Today she planned to catch up on sheriff-ing and apartment-hunting with Henry. Killian doubted she would have an easy day of it, especially with Regina in a snit over them bringing back Robin Hood's _wife._ Killian did not envy that man the confusing place he found himself.

He levered himself out of bed and looked across the room where his gear lay strewn on table, chair, and floor. He rubbed his face with his right hand and scratched a spot on his ankle with his hook. As much as he liked his ensemble, he wondered if he ought to continue to navigate Storybrooke in full pirate regalia. Especially since he lacked a ship.

_And it might be time for a new image, since I am stuck in a new world._ He rose and began to dress, having an easier time than some might believe considering he only had the one hand. He stood before the mirror above the empty dresser, noting it might be time for a trim of head and beard, and debated with himself for a few moments before strapping on his cutlass. It never hurt to be prepared.

Breakfast at Granny's would be his first stop of the day, but from there he would need a little direction. He walked through the hall and down the steps of the boarding house then sauntered into the diner. He only recognized a handful of the town's citizens and none were present this morning, not even Charming since his life had been swallowed up in more domestic pursuits with the birth of his son. Well, Killian Jones could take care of himself.

He found himself a stool and waited until Ruby sashayed over, smiling brightly behind her blood red lipstick. The fact that this attractive woman was also a wolf still gave Killian pause, but he mustered up a charming smile. "Good morning, m'dear."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Hook. What can I get for you?" She slid a menu in front of him but he waved it aside.

"Coffee, with just a touch of sugar. Just need something bracing before I face the cold."

Ruby glanced out the diner window. "Yeah, it went cold pretty fast. The streets are pretty icy, too...but I guess without a car, you're stuck to the salted walk anyway." She shrugged and grabbed the coffee pot, filling a mug and sliding it to him. "Sugar's in the packets, right there."

Killian's face was one of confusion when he picked up the little white paper packet. "Seems somehow inhospitable to keep sugar in something like this."

"This world is different in every way from what you're used to," Ruby replied with a smirk. "Sugar in paper packets is the least of your worries."

He nodded and tore the offending piece of modern irritance, holding the packet between his teeth and pulling with his good hand, then shaking the contents out into his cup. "Perhaps you could help me navigate another of those worries, Miss."

"Just call me Ruby, everyone does," she answered evenly. "If you're after me for dating advice, you're barking up the wrong tree. Besides, I think Emma's warming up to you." She grinned, showing off her sparkling white teeth again.

"Maybe." It would be bad form to kiss and tell. He doubted Emma wanted their relationship...whatever it was...to be made public just yet. "But I have a different quandary." He tugged lightly at his black leather coat. "I am in need of new clothing more suitable to this world. As dashing as this coat looks, I could do with something less weighty."

She raised her eyebrows. "And I can help you how?"

"Point me towards the town's finest tailor and I would owe you a favor." He put on his most charming, least threatening smile. He could sense her amusement and wondered for a moment if she would refuse to help. She was friends with Snow White and Emma, after all, and might perceive his interest in Emma as a bad thing - same as Charming. But she surprised him.

"All right. I'll help you out. Greg," she called to another waiter as she untied her apron, "I'm taking a break. Morning rush is about to start, so keep on your toes. Be back in fifteen." She grabbed a paper cup and took his mug out of his hand. She poured his brew into the paper and put a lid on it. "Here. It's called a 'to-go' order. So, let's go."

Killian took the cup. "More paper masquerading as something useful." He shook his head and followed Ruby. She snagged a fur coat from the wrack and lead him out into the freezing weather.

She paused for a moment on the walk and sniffed the air, frowning. "It isn't unusual for us to have snow this time of year...but it feels funny. Smells funny."

Killian frowned and sniffed for himself but detected nothing amiss. _Must be a wolf thing._ He shrugged and interrupted her sniffing. "So, to the tailor?"

"First, no one really uses tailors unless it's for something really important, like wedding dresses or tuxes - formal suits," she explained as she walked briskly down the pavement, her boots tapping sharply on the pavement, punctuating each word. Killian kept in step easily with his long stride. "Second, you're going to have to have money to get what you want. Granny is putting you up for free now, but you'll need your own income eventually."

"I have a little put by," he assured her, thinking of the leather pouch hanging at his belt, full of gold coins and tiny jewels.

"Better change it to cash, soon as you can, 'cause I'm betting you don't have any plastic."

"Plastic? What-?"

"I'll explain that later," she interrupted his question and stopped to knock on a shop door. The sign proclaimed it as: _Imperial Threads, For the Fashion Forward_. "You'll like this place if you like black and leather. It's where I shop and I have the feeling you're just as edgy as I am, even in this world."

Killian took in the sign of the shop's hours and the darkness inside. "It appears to be closed."

"It's fine. Lee owes me a favor - he's the shop owner."

"And this 'Lee' passes for a tailor in this world?"

"Yeah." She knocked louder and a moment later a light flicked on. "He lives above the shop. I knew he'd hear us."

A man of Eastern descent came to the door, smiling broadly when he saw Ruby. He unlocked it and opened up, reaching out to give the woman a hug. "Ah, my favorite customer," he said in lightly accented English. "Still like those boots?"

"Love them. Thank you, Lee." She grinned and returned the friendly embrace. "But I've brought you a new customer who desperately needs your help." She jerked her chin in Killian's direction. "Lee Varma, may I present Captain Hook. Hook, this is Lee. He was the man who made the Emperor's clothes in the old world."

"Much to his chagrin," Lee said with a mischievous smile. "But I'm not nearly so famous as Captain Hook. I'm honored to serve you, Captain."

Killian smiled and extended his good hand, pleased to finally meet someone who didn't shrink upon hearing his identity. His reputation certainly preceded him in Storybrooke - more so than anywhere else he ever ventured. "Thank you. But it's Killian Jones here."

Ruby looked surprised at that and then declined to follow them in to the store. "Morning rush at Granny's," she explained apologetically. "But I thought you'd need a head start on Hook. Killian. Whatever." She shrugged. "All he's got is what he's wearing." She disappeared out the door without a backward glance, apparently confident in both Lee's skills and Killian's status as "good guy."

Lee offered to take Killians coat and chuckled. "Yes, I can see why the leather might get a little difficult. Still, that's one way to get a workout without going to the gym, am I right?" He hung the coat on the rack by the door. "All right, Captain, I'm guessing you've got about as much knowledge of denim as I do of sailing?"

Killian smiled a little. "At least you know what sailing is. What is denim?"

Lee whistled. "We've got our work cut out for us. First, we better figure out your size." He walked around Killian, muttering to himself, then walked over to a pole hanging from the wall with several shades of shirts hanging upon it.

"Perhaps we better discuss payment," Hook said at once, remembering what Ruby said about Granny's charity. He certainly didn't want to owe anyone in this world. Debt was no one's mate, in any world. He took the pouch from his belt and emptied a few coins onto the table nearest him, where a variety of women's jewelry was displayed. "Would this be enough?"

Lee came and looked and raised his eyebrows. "Is that gold?"

"Indeed, mate."

He looked up at Killian and crossed his arms. "Listen, Killian, I'm going to tell you this because I have loved, loved stories about Captain Hook in this world and in the other. Gold is more precious here than it was in our world. With a few of those coins, you could buy everything I've got here. With one coin, I'll set you up with the best wardrobe any man in town could have. I wouldn't flash those everywhere, either, or people might take advantage of your lack of experience in this world."

"Let them try," Killian said darkly, though he felt some humiliation at so grossly misjudging the value of his treasure here. "I might be a new man, but if I found out I was cheated…"

Lee interrupted with a gesture. "Killian, I used to be a con man. A good one, too. I convinced an emperor and his entire court that I could make invisible clothing, spun from diamonds and jewels." He raised his eyebrows and smirked. "I could have conned you out of your whole purse, but I didn't. I'm a new man in this new world, too. Just be careful. I'd advise you to go to the bank and get an account set up there, keep your gold in a safe place. The money system here might be confusing at first, but it's better than losing your coin."

Slightly humbled, Killian nodded and added a second coin to the first. "Then I'll pay for that new wardrobe, and offer you my thanks for your advice."

"Thank you." Lee scooped up the coins and dropped them in his pocket. "I still think I'll owe you change, but maybe I'll just give you store credit." He clapped his hands and grinned with relish. "Now, let's get you some modern threads, Captain."

Two hours later, Killian sat collapsed on the bench outside the shop. Lee was boxing up his purchases and promised to send them to Granny's. Never had shopping been so taxing and Killian decided it was yet another way in which this world was inconvenient. In the other, he went to a tailor who took his measurements, told him what he needed, and it was all created for him and ready when he came back for it. Still, he did find the new clothing more comfortable than anything else he could remember wearing.

He grinned as he wondered what Emma would think when she saw him attired in a way so foreign to him and familiar to her. He wore what Lee called an "edgy, urban look." His pants were of the strange, but comfortable, denim material dark in color. Not black. The so-called "Henley" shirt was black, with a gray button-up shirt and a much lighter, more comfortable black leather coat over all. The boots were nice, too. Lee said they were a mix between biker and urban cowboy...whatever that meant. Still, Killian liked what he saw in the mirror. It reminded him slightly of what David/Charming wore but looked...better. He even bought a new earring. He thought it might be time to move on. Mehla's earring sat nestled in his pocket. She would always have a special place in his heart, but the tattoo on his wrist would be enough to remember her by. _She would be happy_, he thought, _to know I am at peace. _The new silver hoop was simpler and - Lee assured him - very pirate-looking. The only thing he clung to was his cutlass. It still hung from his hip, but on a newer belt. It seemed he could fit some parts of his old life into the new world. Lee also set him up with something called _hair gel._ It was apparently all the rage for men of this world to look constantly windblown.

"Wow. Hook?"

Killian looked up to see Ruby standing and staring at him, her expression one of complete surprise.

"Killian, to my friends." He stood and held out his arms, pivoting for her. "What do you think?"

"Well. You and David are going to start the sword-carrying trend." She looked him up and down. "I like it. Not as edgy as I expected, but I guess Lee knows his stuff."

"Indeed. He's a good sort." He brushed off a snowflake and looked at the sky. "Think it's ever going to stop?"

"At least it's a light snow and not a blizzard." She shivered. "But there's still something weird about it. My nose tingles the way it does when there's magic nearby."

"There's likely always going to be magic in this place." He watched as a car drove slowly, cautiously down the road. "Now, there's something else I'm interested in."

"What?" She looked at the car and wrinkled her nose. "A station wagon?" Her tone of absolute disgust gave him enough indication such a vehicle would not be one to be captained by him. She looked at him again. "You look like more of a classic-car guy. Something with a lot of power in the engine. Or maybe...a motorcycle…?"

He grinned. "Just in need of a new vessel to captain. But first, Lee suggested a bank. Care to steer me in the right direction again, Ruby?"

Her slow smile indicated he may have finally won an ally in this world, outside of the Charming family. "Of course." He offered his arm and she took it, then delighted him by offering him more information about Emma Swan's "Slug-Bug." It seemed clothes made the man in this world as well as his home world, and perhaps he now stood a better chance of showing everyone - especially Emma - how much he'd changed.


End file.
